Why Roger Smith Doesn't Date Anymore
by Galaxy1001D
Summary: Despite Roger Smith's reputation as a womanizer, we never saw him entertain women on the show. Ever wonder why? Norman Burg provides an answer, illuminating the personal life of Paradigm City's top negotiator.


_The Big O__ and all of its settings and characters are owned by Cartoon Network, Sunrise, and Bandai Visual._

THE BIG O Presents:

**Why Roger Smith Doesn't Date Anymore**

_By Galaxy1001D_

The lights come on, revealing a tall elderly man whose thin white hair contrasts with his bushy eyebrows and full mustache. Despite the genial expression on his face the black eyepatch concealing his left eyesocket makes him appear intimidating at first glance. "Good evening," he says. "My name is Norman Burg, and I'm here to answer your questions about that splendid television programme, _The Big O_.

"Mystery is a central theme of _The Big O_," Norman explains. "The setting of the animae is a city that has lost its memory. The conclusion of the final episode was allegorical and symbolic, leaving many viewers scratching their heads. Even the more pedestrian mysteries were never spelled out in detail, forcing determined viewers to review the episodes to connect the dots.

"After consulting with the producers I have been given permission to answer some of the minor, inconsequential questions that have come up," he shrugs apologetically. "To wit: Why do we never see Roger Smith on a date? In the third episode, Angel, under the guise of Caseey Jenkins referred to Master Roger's reputation, the implication was that Master Roger was a womanizer. Yet, aside of chance encounters with Angel in season two, we never see Master Roger dally with the fair sex.

"We can only conclude that Master Roger dated often before Miss Dorothy moved in with us, but then put his social life on hold. Why? Until the turmoil of season two there would appear to be no reason.

"Astute viewers can infer the reason after viewing the final shot of the third episode. I can confirm these suspicions with footage pieced together from the building's security monitors." The elderly butler walks over to an archaic device that appears to be an early model television set. "I have enhanced and restored the sound, and I believe this example may explain Master Roger's shortage of lady guests as of late." Twisting a knob, he allows the image on the television take center stage.

* * *

The young and handsome Roger Smith was assisting Norman Burg in the kitchen. Instead of his black blazer and tie, he was wearing an apron as he helped out preparing the various courses for dinner that evening. "Excellent, Norman!" he gushed. "I promised Mary Sue a sample of your cooking, and it looks like you're not going to disappoint!"

"I do so hope that everything is satisfactory for your lady friend, Master Roger," Norman smiled from under his chef's hat. Like Roger, he had removed his jacket and was wearing an apron. "This is her first time over and I want to make a good impression."

"Who is this lady friend, Roger?" asked the dour Dorothy Wayneright, clad in her gothic lolita style reddish black dress. Although she was an android, to the naked eye she appeared to be a sulky teenage girl. "Will she be staying with us long?"

"Just overnight Dorothy," Roger smiled. "Have you set the table yet?"

"We will need to prepare a room," Dorothy pointed out.

"Ah… that won't be necessary," Roger blushed. "I'll let her stay in my room. My bed is big enough for two."

Somehow, Dorothy's stern visage became even colder.

Norman coughed and turned his full attention to his culinary masterpieces.

"That reminds me," Roger said. "Mary and I won't be getting much sleep, er… I mean we might be staying up… so don't wake us with that infernal piano tomorrow all right? Let us sleep. That's an order, okay? After she goes home you can go on torturing me every morning as usual. Got it?"

"Yes Roger," she replied somewhat stiltedly. "I understand. I will not play the piano if she is in your room."

"Good girl," he sighed in relief. His head jerked to the side as a chime was heard. "Is that the doorbell? It might be her! Dorothy, get the door, will you? I've got to make myself presentable."

"Very well Roger," the winsome android replied. "I shall see who it is." She turned around as abruptly as a soldier and left the room.

When she reached to front door she paused to peer through the peephole. A ravishing young woman in a slinky dress and fur coat was outside, making last minute adjustments to her face with the assistance of her compact mirror.

Dorothy turned and went to the closet. With quick precise movements she removed her dress, revealing lacy black lingerie. The doorbell rang followed by an impatient knocking as Dorothy, wearing only a brassiere, panties, garter belt and stockings calmly straightened and hung up her dress. As the doorbell rung again Dorothy pulled a black cloak out of the closet and draped it over her shoulders. She then turned and slowly walked back to the front door as an insistent knocking was heard.

"You should have knocked," Dorothy deadpanned as she cracked open the front door. "May I help you?"

The woman blinked in surprise, somewhat intimidated by Dorothy's deadly calm. "Hello, is this the residence of Roger Smith?" she asked attempting to assume a cheerful demeanor. "I'm Mary Sue. I was invited over for dinner."

"Oh yes, you are the first to arrive," Dorothy nodded evenly. She opened the door wider and allowed her cloak to fall open. The android's stark white skin seemed to glow in the dark when contrasted with her ebony undergarments. "If you would please follow me, I will take you to your room. There you can disrobe and I will chain you to the bed."

"Ch-chain me to the bed?" Mary Sue paled. "Wh-what about dinner?"

"Roger doesn't let us eat dinner," Dorothy said lifelessly. "None of us. He says it gives us gas. If we please him, he may allow us to eat afterwards. Now if you will please come with me…"

"Excuse me, I've got to put another coin in the meter!" Mary Sue explained before she turned and hurried back to the curb. Dorothy watched as Mary Sue drove off in her sedan and turned the corner with screeching tires. Without a word, the android shut the door and walked back to the closet.

"Dorothy?" Roger's voice preceded him as he walked down the stairs. "Who was that? Is Mary here?"

"No," Dorothy replied as she stepped out of the closet wearing her reddish black dress. Every fold and crease was in its proper place. "It was an insurance salesman. He was very insistent but I told him to leave."

"Well keep an eye out for Mary, will you?" Roger said as he straightened his tie and adjusted his blazer. "The food is almost ready and I want everything to be perfect."

"Don't worry Roger," Dorothy assured him. "Everything will be."

"Thanks, I'm glad I can count on you," he said as he walked back up the stairs. If he had turned around he would have noticed that from that particular angle, Dorothy almost appeared to be smiling.

* * *

Back in the present day, Norman turns off the television and chuckles self-consciously. "Well it appears that tearing up a business card was only the tip of the iceberg," he snickers. "We always _did_ wonder why Mary Sue wouldn't return his calls. Once again, thank you for your interest and support of _The Big O_." The butler bows as the lights dim.

END


End file.
